Austen, Jane Mansfield Park

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endure the reproach again and again; she might hear it, or see it, or know it to exist for ever in every
connection about her. She could not but feel some resentment against Mr. Crawford; yet, if he really
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loved her, and were unhappy too! it was all wretchedness together.
In about a quarter of an hour her uncle returned; she was almost ready to faint at the sight of him. He
spoke calmly, however, without austerity, without reproach, and she revived a little. There was comfort
too in his words, as well as his manner, for he began with, "Mr. Crawford is gone; he has just left me. I
need not repeat what has passed. I do not want to add to anything you may now be feeling, by an
account of what he has felt. Suffice it, that he has behaved in the most gentlemanlike and generous
manner; and has confirmed me in a most favorable opinion of his understanding, heart, and temper. Upon
my representation of what you were suffering, he immediately, and with the greatest delicacy, ceased to
urge to see you for the present."
Here Fanny, who looked up, looked down again. "Of course," continued her uncle, "it cannot be
supposed but that he should request to speak with you alone, be it only for five minutes; a request too
natural, a claim too just to be denied. But there is no time fixed, perhaps tomorrow, or whenever your
spirits are composed enough. For the present you have only to tranquilize yourself. Check these tears;
they do but exhaust you. If, as I am willing to suppose, you wish to show me any observance, you will
not give way to these emotions, but endeavor to reason yourself into a stronger frame of mind. I advise
you to go out, the air will do you good; go out for an hour on the gravel, you will have the shrubbery to
yourself, and will be the better for air and exercise. And, Fanny, (turning back again for a moment) I shall
make no mention below of what has passed; I shall not even tell your aunt Bertram. There is no occasion
for spreading the disappointment; say nothing about it yourself."
This was an order to be most joyfully obeyed; this was an act of kindness which Fanny felt at her heart.
To be spared from her aunt Norris's interminable reproaches! he left her in a glow of gratitude.
Anything might be bearable rather than such reproaches. Even to see Mr. Crawford would be less
overpowering.
She walked out directly as her uncle recommended, and followed his advice throughout, as far as she
could; did check her tears, did earnestly try to compose her spirits, and strengthen her mind. She wished
to prove to him that she did desire his comfort, and sought to regain his favor; and he had given her
another strong motive for exertion, in keeping the whole affair from the knowledge of her aunts. Not to
excite suspicion by her look or manner was now an object worth attaining; and she felt equal to almost
anything that might save her from her aunt Norris.
She was struck, quite struck, when on returning from her walk, and going into the east room again, the
first thing which caught her eye was a fire lighted and burning. A fire! it seemed too much; just at that time
to be giving her such an indulgence, was exciting even painful gratitude. She wondered that Sir Thomas
could have leisure to think of such a trifle again; but she soon found, from the voluntary information of the
housemaid, who came in to attend it, that so it was to be every day. Sir Thomas had given orders for it.
"I must be a brute indeed, if I can be really ungrateful!" said she in soliloquy; "Heaven defend me from
being ungrateful!"
She saw nothing more of her uncle, nor of her aunt Norris, till they met at dinner. Her uncle's behavior to
her was then as nearly as possible what it had been before; she was sure he did not mean there should be
any change, and that it was only her own conscience that could fancy any; but her aunt was soon
quarrelling with her: and when she found how much and how unpleasantly her having only walked out
without her aunt's knowledge could be dwelt on, she felt all the reason she had to bless the kindness
which saved her from the same spirit of reproach, exerted on a more momentous subject.
"If I had known you were going out, I should have got you just to go as far as my house with some
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orders for Nanny," said she, "which I have since, to my very great inconvenience, been obliged to go and
carry myself. I could very ill spare the time, and you might have saved me the trouble, if you would only
have been so good as to let us know you were going out. It would have made no difference to you, I
suppose, whether you had walked in the shrubbery, or gone to my house." [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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