Dr Robert Anthony The Ultimate Secrets Of Total Self Conf

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as a teacher and public speaker, I discovered that
effective communication with my audience was directly
related
to
how
simple
I
could
make
complicated,
abstract ideas.
The burden of holding someone’s attention, whether it
be an audience or an individual, falls on you. No one
will pay attention to what they do not understand.
Many college graduates cannot communicate with those
on a lower educational level because they have never
learned how to make things simple enough. If someone
138
fails
to
understand
you,
it
does
not
necessarily
follow that they are stupid.
More than likely, you
have
not
explained
your
point
clearly
or
simply
enough. Walt
Disney used animation as a means of
simplification. Frequently great truths are told in
parables or allegories. Let’s learn a lesson from
this and use simple stories, demonstrations, parables
and examples to convey what we mean.
One of the best methods of determining understanding
is feedback. You get feedback by asking questions
like these:
“Have I made myself clear?” “Do you
agree?” or “What are your feelings about this?” This
preliminary
interchange
helps
develop
two-way
communication.
LET THE OTHER PERSON KNOW THEY ARE IMPRESSING YOU
I
have
already
said
that
everyone
likes
to
feel
important.
Let people know they are important by
making them feel that you are impressed with what
they have to say. This is done by giving them your
full attention. The less you talk about yourself, the
more the other person will feel that he is important.
Act as if their jobs or social lives are the most
fascinating things you have heard about.
I was traveling by plane on my way home from a speech
I
had
just
given
to
five
thousand
people.
I
was
bubbling
over
with
excitement
after
an
extremely
successful speaking engagement. Next to me sat a man
who
said
he
was
an
accountant.
Well,
I
thought,
that’s a comfortable profession, but how boring it
must be. Of course, I didn’t let him know how I felt.
Instead, I listened as he talked about his travels
and the complicated financial dealings of the large
corporations he represented. All the way across the
country, he kept me enthralled. From this experience,
a
great
truth
emerged.
Although,
on
the
surface
others may appear dull, what they have to say is
often more interesting and important than what we
have to say ourselves.
139
Most
people
really
do
not
communicate
effectively
because
they
are
trying
to
impress
rather
than
express. They engage in a sort of self-neutralizing,
verbal
bombardment
of
each
other.
They
use
words
others do not understand and frequently attempt to
speak down rather than to the person with whom they
are talking. They are busy showing that person how
smart they are.
Justified or not, others will form their opinions of
you by the way you talk to them. If you show off or
try to impress them with your intelligence, you can
be sure that they will tune you out right away. On
the other hand, if you do not talk down to them and
keep their interests and emotions in mind, they will
consider
you
clever,
interesting
and,
even,
a
brilliant conversationalist.
Studies have shown that other people never hear 75%
of the words you use. People hear only what they
want, and as you already know, what they most want to
hear about is themselves. If you talk to them about
their
goals,
interest,
ideas,
experiences
or
aspirations, you will immediately get their attention
and continue to hold it without difficulty.
GIVE SINCERE RECOGNITION
Whenever you give sincere recognition, you are, in
essence, showing people how to like themselves more.
If
you remark about one
of
their attributes that
escapes most people, you will increase your impact.
It takes little imagination to compliment someone on
his appearance – although that’s nice too – so the
creative per-son looks for less obvious qualities.
For
example,
you
might
notice
someone’s
sense
of
humor or ability to attract friends. By taking time
to
remark
on
attributes
which
are
far
too
often
overlooked by others, you are saying in effect, “I
really notice you as a person”, thereby giving that
person a reason to like this or herself more.
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By helping others build their self-esteem and making
them feel comfortable and secure, they become more
relaxed and friendlier. This all goes back to what we
said earlier: in order to think well of others, you
must
first think well of yourself.
Knowing
what
pleases
you
and
increases
your
self-confidence
provides some excellent clues as to how you can make
others feel self-confident. Someone observed, quite
astutely, that when we look at our world and see God
and good in everything and everyone, our world looks
back at us with the same attitude.
WAIT UNTIL THE CONVERSATION GETS
AROUND TO YOU
After others have talked about themselves, a point
will be reached when the conversation will get around
to
you.
A little patience here is well invested.
Don’t be like the actress I met at a Hollywood party
who came up to me, talked on and on about her movie
career and finally said, “Enough about me!
How did
you like my last picture?”
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
What you are speak so loudly,
I cannot hear what you are saying.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
People will judge you by your actions. Small acts of
courtesy are not just merely empty gestures; they are
thoughtful
expressions,
which
say,
without
verbalization,
“I
think
you
are
important.”
Unfortunately, to many, courtesy is becoming a lost
art. Don’t let this happen. Be one of those who still
places importance on small acts of kindness that make
others feel special.
It
is
important
to
realize
that
people
are
not
interested in hearing us expound on our particular
philosophy of life.
They are more
interested
in
seeing how our beliefs and philosophy are actually
working in our life.
141
Your actions are reflections of your thinking. If
others see that you are healthy, happy, prosperous
and enthusiastic, they will ask what you are doing to
make
these
things
happen.
There
is
no
need
to
“preach” because, as the saying goes, “More truth is
caught
than
taught.”
Religious
fanatics
may
talk
about
peace,
love,
salvation
and
their
great
happiness in religion, but all one has to do is look
at
their
lifestyles
to
know
just
how
well
it’s
working. The Bible puts it this way; “By their fruits
ye shall know them.” If your life is a showcase of
positive living, people will want to know how they
can get on the bandwagon.
BE ON TIME FOR APPOINTMENTS
Another essential aspect in the development of good
personal relationships is reliability. Being on time
for appointments is more important than you realize.
Lateness
does
not
merely
mean
that
you
are
irresponsible, it means that you really do not care
about the person you are meeting. You are, in effect,
saying that that person is not important enough for
you to be on time.
If
you
had a
meeting with
a
President or Prime Minister of a large country at
10:00 AM tomorrow morning, would you be on time? Of
course you would! You would make a point of it. So,
let’s be honest. We can all be on time if we are
motivated.
We
violate
the
“on
time”
rule
because we
do not
realize the consequences of our actions. “That’s the
way I am!” we say defiantly. But that’s not the way
we are. It’s the way we have chosen to be.
Remember, then, no matter whom you are meeting – ex-
executive, housewife, factory worker, secretary, and
salesperson, relative – or if you are attending a
meeting or social gathering, be on time! Extend this
habit
to
all
personal
relationships.
Get
the
reputation of always being there first. If you must
keep someone waiting, contact that person and explain
142
the delay and inform him when you expect to arrive.
He will admire and respect your for caring.
There is
nothing more upsetting and frustrating as waiting for
someone who doesn’t show up on time.
REMEMBER PEOPLE’S NAMES
Most of us will agree that one of the sweetest sounds
is the sound of our own names. People’s names are [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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